The American Youth Soccer Organization (AYSO) is a nationwide youth soccer organization. Both of my sons played in the AYSO from the ages 8 to 12. I am extremely thankful for all of the time and effort provided by volunteer coaches and referees. Youth soccer in the US is really just a game of "kick and chase a ball". Parents scream, "Kick the ball, (insert child's name here)". Of the 20 players on the field (not including the two goalies), 14 young soccer players run towards the ball and kick the ball in a random directions. The other six players are looking at the plane flying over head, admiring the beautiful yellow dandelion flowers in the grass or having a conversation with a fellow teammate. The referee blows the whistle and the final score is either 1-0 or 12-0. This is when the fun (for me) begins.
At conclusion of the game, the parents jump out of their camping chairs, run toward the center of the field, extend their arms at a 45 degree angle above their head and form the "Yeah Bridge". The kids run through the human tunnel as the parents sing in unison, "Yeahhhhhhhhh." Do the kids care that they lost the game by double digits? Do they care that they didn't use the fundamental skills of dribbling and passing the ball that their coach taught them during practice? Heck no. Post-game priority is snacks and Capri Sun juice pouches. We tell our kids, "You did a great job", even though the other team just hung a dozen goals on their team. And the score would have been even more lopsided if the opposing coach didn't pull their best player out of the game in the middle of the game.
The kids leave the field with a belly full of sugars and an over-inflated view of their talents and skills. I have never participated in a "Yeah Bridge.". Why celebrate kids running in a park...this is called "recess" or "playing" if parents are not sitting on the sidelines. I blame my generation. We screwed it up. Some how our children are precious and can never feel any shame, pain or strain. We are not doing our kids any favors by providing them with a false of accomplishment and self-esteem. One of the largest obstacles astronauts face in space is zero-gravity. The body deteriorates without outside forces. About 25% of the International Space Station's crew members time is spent imposing physical stress on their bodies. Force, tension and resistance make the body and the mind stronger
Will either of my sons ever play in the World Cup...? NO WAY. What they were able to do is learn some basic soccer fundamentals, make friends and increase their chances of getting childhood diabetes from the metric ton of Rice Crispy Treats they consumed post-game. They also recognized when I was truly proud of them after they made beautiful pass, hustled to their position or lent a hand to teammate or opponent that fell on the field. Self-esteem is earned and not given. Please provide our children with an environment of support and love by providing accolades when they actually accomplish or improve on a task or activity.
My college Biology students will be taking an exam next Thursday. I told them to study hard and to take advantage of campus resources to succeed in the class. Most of my students will not do very well on my first exam. As a matter of fact this may be the first time for several of them to fail an exam. But that's okay..I told them that I will form a "Yeah Bridge" for them as they leave the classroom. At least they will FEEL better about themselves. Unfortunately for them, I do not provide snacks and juice boxes after the test.
But what the heck do I know...I'm just Joe.
I woke up this morning to the news that the US House of Representatives voted to impeach President Donald Trump. The votes cast to impeach were largely along party lines. This event reminded me of an incident that occurred several weeks ago.
Who does not like a fresh doughnut in the morning? About once a month, I'll sneak out of the house on a Sunday morning to purchase some doughnuts for my family. The local doughnut shop is usually filled with well-dressed men and women picking up boxes of doughnuts for church and with families sitting at tables enjoying a morning treat. One particular morning, I noticed a mother sitting with her young, teen-aged daughter enjoying their pastries. What made this experience unique was her daughter was wearing a MAGA hat (Make America Great Again). MAGA hats are the equivalent to a fuse on a stick of dynamite. Light the fuse, and an explosion will be soon to follow.
I had a mixed rush of emotions rush through my veins. Social media depicts MAGA wearing individuals as dumb, racist and homophobic. MAGA hats are also seen as a "middle finger" to the culture of political correctness and social justice. I purchased two chocolate bar doughnuts, two pink-sprinkled doughnuts and a half-dozen doughnut holes and calmly walked over toward their table. I could feel a bit of trepidation as I approached their table . I made the following statement to the mother with her young teen:
"Hello. I'm sorry to interrupt your breakfast. Mom...I just wanted to tell you that I do not agree with many of president's policies and am disappointed by many of his comments and statements. But something I will absolutely support is your daughter's freedom to support the President of the United States of America by wearing her hat in public without being ridiculed or harassed. Mom...you've done a great job of providing your daughter with the courage and strength to wear the hat with pride. Well done, mom. Have a great day."
I didn't know how they would respond, so I immediately turned towards the door and left the premises without waiting for a reply or a "Thank you". My guess is that I am in the majority of individuals that believe in "live and let live". Love your family, support your community, listen to dissenting views, solve problems and make this great country even better. But what the heck do I know...I'm just Joe.
Memories from my wedding day.
Me and my wife celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. I reminisced by looking back at the pictures and videos taken by the photographer and our friends and family. I realized I'd forgotten about 90% of my wedding day.
Most females start dreaming about her wedding day when she is a toddler. A male prepares for his wedding when his fiance says it's time to select "colors and fonts for the invitations." Preparations for our "special day" also included, selecting a photographer, the DJ, the menu, the cake, the location for the reception, tuxedos, brides maid dresses, invitations and of course...the mariachi. Wedding preparations also included several arguments, heated discussions and many boxes of Kleenex to wipe away tears,
Our wedding day was over in a blink of an eye. Were the thousands of tears and calories spent on preparing for the wedding worth it? I didn't remember the color of the napkins, the flavor of the cake, the center pieces or the name of the DJ. Let me tell you the four things I remember from my wedding day;
How to solve the "Homeless" problem
The state of California is like the "pretty girl" or "hot guy" sitting by themselves in the corner of a bar. They have the physical attributes that make them attractive. But when you approach them and speak with them...they are bat-shit crazy. California's physical attributes include amazing shorelines, national parks (e.g. Yosemite and Sequoias National Park...), beautiful deserts and perfect weather. California also has the worst traffic in the world, an educational system that is in shambles, tons of bureaucracy (try going to the DMV to obtain the new "Real" ID) and a dramatic increase in homelessness. California is willing to throw money at these problems. California has the highest state income tax in the nation at 13.3%. This doesn't include the recent increases in gas taxes, car registrations fees and local sales taxes. The increased tax revenue should mean that better roads, bridges, schools, electrical and water infrastructure and a decrease in poverty and homelessness. Unfortunately, tax payers are not seeing a return on their investment.
Let me focus on homelessness problem in California. The US Interagency Council on Homelessness data reveals that there were almost 130,000 homeless in January of 2018. And rates continue to rise despite programs targeted to help the homeless. The mayor of Los Angeles, Eric Garcetti, looks to help the homeless by building more homes. The solution to the homelessness problem is within the name...HOME-LESS. Here is the solution...if we give them homes, they will no longer be HOME-LESS. People are not on the streets because they recently lost their job. They are on the streets because they are 1) mentally ill, 2) have a chemical addiction or 3) think it would be "neat" to experience living on the streets.
There are two problems with simply providing a home. First of all, are we attacking the root of the problem? The house has a leak, the house is flooding and we just want to replace some of the drywall. Let's find and fix the actual leak in the pipe. Secondly, even if the state, county or city wanted to build more housing, the cost of building more homes would be astronomical due to the multitude of layers of bureaucracy required to build new homes.
Let's attack the real sources of homelessness and truly help those in need with effective solutions. Do not call it "homelessness" from this day forward. Let's call them what they really are...people that are mentally ill and/or addicted that require professional assistance.
Let's stop the house from flooding by fixing the leak in the pipe. But what the heck do I know...I'm just Joe.
It's spring time and for married couples this often means time for home projects, such as painting a room or the house. Buying paint, brushes, drop cloths, rollers and tape are easy. Do you know what the most difficulty part of painting is...? You might say taping off the windows, moving around on a ladder or making sure the paint doesn't get on the carpet are the arduous aspects of painting. These previous tasks are laborious but the most problematic task of painting is...selecting the paint color. I recommend that you should visit the paint department of your local Home Depot, Lowes or Walmart if you are an aspiring divorce attorney.
Let's get ready to rummmmmmble! There she is...holding up a multitude of swatches with different shades of green. "Honey, which one do you like? Paradise Green? Jade? Sage? Emerald? Sea Foam? Mint? Fern? Hunter? Kelly? Lime? Forrest?"
He responds with, "I can't tell. They all look great. Pick the one you like."
She asks again, "No really, which one do you like? Paradise Green? Jade? Sage? Emerald? Sea Foam? Mint? Fern? Hunter? Kelly? Lime? Forrest?"
He responds with, "Honey, I really cant tell. They all look the same to me. Pick the one you like."
She can not believe that he can't tell the difference between the different shades of green. It's sooooo obvious. Well, it is obvious...primarily to females and not males.
The answer to this sex difference in color differentiation is revealed in a study that considers the hunter-gatherer hypothesis. It is argued that the sexes evolved distinct abilities to fit prehistoric gender roles, The study shows that men "hunters" have a higher sensitivity to rapidly moving objects to detect and identify possible predators or prey from a long distances. Meanwhile, the vision of female "gatherers" may have become better adapted in recognizing the subtle differences of shades of color of stationary objects such as wild berries.
So there you go ladies. We can blame Charles Darwin and the Theory of Natural Selection for the arguments in the paint department. Men are not jerks when it comes to selecting a particular hue of green. Paradise Green, jade, sage, emerald, sea foam, mint, fern, hunter, kelly, lime and forrest green all look the same to us. You're husbands love you very much and are happy to paint your office any color you want. Heck, I recommend that wive's should ask the other wives in the paint department what color they recommend. They can tell the difference and the husbands will head off to the checkout counter to get in line.
But what the heck do I know...I'm just Joe.
The typical american definition of success is money and power. And success is often linked to talent. There are individuals that can be extremely rich that I don't consider talented. Here are examples of individuals that are great at marketing, are well compensated and are considered "successful";
A person may have a skill that makes a task look easy. You may say, "Wow, I bet I can do it too." An example would be entertainers that use Autotune or a drum machine to perform their songs. My definition of talented is a bit different. If I see someone perform and I say,"There is no way I can do that,"...they are talented. Here is examples of talented people that I could never even imagine reaching their level of artistry;
But what the heck do I know...I'm just Joe.
What happens when we Die?
My college experience provided me the opportunity to mature (personally and academically) and make life-long friends. We have been able to share similar life experiences such as marriage and children (in our 20's-30's), kids going to high school (in our 40's) and soon our children will be off to college. We have also started the next chapter of our lives...illness and death of our parents. Although death will be a part of all of our lives, very few of us know exactly how to feel, know what to write on a card, or say to the person that has lost their loved one. I'm not the person that will say, "Thoughts and prayers..." Most recently, I have been thanking the grieving for sharing their mom or dad's time with me and my family. Sharing time with your family is intimate. This allows me and my wife to model, to our sons, what is true love of friends and family.
Keanu Reeves, the 54-year-old “Speed” actor, was a guest on “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” talking about upcoming projects when the subject of death came up. Colbert asked Reeves what he thought happens when we die. His response..."“I know that the ones who love us will miss us.” Simple, real and beautiful.
But heck, what do I know...I'm just Joe.
Fake News Vaccine
Television and radio were sources most baby-boomers would obtain their news. The news media were trusted individuals that simply presented the news. We didn't know how Tom Brokaw, David Brinkley, Jane Pauley or Tim Russert (my favorite) political leanings. Every once in a while, the broadcaster may have a 30-second opinion piece to finish the newscast, but they would clearly state this is was their opinion. In the early 80's, Ted Turner launched the first 24-hour news channel and radio personalities like Rush Limbaugh where now hired to not only "present the news" but to provide opinion in the early 80's.
People are increasingly obtaining their news from non-traditional platforms such as Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. "fake news" is described as published information that is not as true as it appears. Some of this "fake news" may be published by individuals to deliberately confuse or misinform. Some "fake news" is unintended. If you have ever had a story written about you or on a topic you are extremely familiar with, you realize that the article often contains mistakes. So why is it that when we hear or read a story that there could not have been any mistakes whatsoever? Think back to all of the stories we've listened to or read over the past week an we can only guess as to how many mistakes we must have been presented.
The concern with the amount of "fake news" has prompted many colleges and universities to have classes or hold workshops to help students identify "fake news". But maybe this is the wrong strategy. Astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson has the solution; "We cry foul when fooled by fake news and other forces of brainwashing, when perhaps we should instead build intellectual defenses against it, inoculating us from such influences in the first place." The prevention of being infected by "fake news" includes reviewing data, reviewing evidence, critical thinking, understanding percentages, basic probability, risk assessment, understanding the scientific method and the willing to change our mind when new information is presented. I wonder when and where students can learn these concepts? Hmmm. Too bad these topics aren't reinforced in our curriculum.
But what the heck do I know...I'm just Joe.
An awareness video by Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris reveals humans are not as observant as we belive. I decided to be a bit more observant yesterday and this is what I can conclude...the simplest and most common things in life are beautiful. Here is a rough timeline of some observations:
7:00 My wife is sitting in her chair and enjoying her morning coffee. I lean over and I give her multiple tiny kisses as I leave for the day. Her eyes sparkle, she smiles and says to me that she loves me as I walk out the door. And this is after almost 25 years of marriage!
8:00 AM; As I walk to towards the college print shop to pick up my final exams I see a young man dancing to the disco song, "The Hustle". His arms, legs and torso were flailing all over the place...and he didn't care that he was the only one dancing. I decided to dance with him for a few seconds as I danced like John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever". Smiles galore. He continues to dance to Katy Perry's, "Shake it off".
8:10 AM; As I walk back to my office, a young lady sees a large oleander bush loaded with beautiful white flowers. She picked one and placed it behind one of her ears. It was so beautiful to see her notice the beauty of the flower, deciding to adorn herself and smile as she proceeded to her classroom to take her final exam.
10:30 AM; A struggling student turns in her exam, smiled and whispered to me, "May I please give you a hug?" She came around the desk and she gave me a large embrace. She was having some personal difficulties that impacted her academics. There were several times that she simply needed someone to listen to her this semester.
4:00 PM; I drive home and open the door into the hallway from the garage and my 11 lb dog, Lucy is always there to greet me. Her tail wags, her dog tags cling as she awaits her daily scratch behind the ears.
4:01 PM; My younger son walks down the hallway to greet me with a high-five, a hug, a smile and proceeds with our usual and satisfying greeting of "How are ya' fella?"
9:00 PM; My older son decides it's time to go to sleep so he grabs walks over to me an contemplates doing our ritual good-morning/good evening handshake. He broke his thumb two months ago and recently got his cast removed. He decided this is the night to give our hand shake a try: Shake, grip, fist-bump, salt-pinch followed by the sky-hook. He felt no pain and gave a "Woo" scream of joy.
There were simply the highlights of a regular Wednesday in May. I will continue to be observant of the beauty, love and simple things that make life amazing. But heck, what do I know...I'm just Joe.
Spring time means...
Welcome to Spring. Spring brings wildflowers, shorts, a picnic and planting herbs in the back yard. For media and first-responders this also means a high workload on the weekend. My wife worked in local media for many years. She knew exactly when she would have a busy weekend. She's not psychic...all she did was take a look at the weekend weather forecast. Warmer temps leads to gatherings, alcohol consumption and violence.
Last weekend, 16 were injured and 2 killed by guns in a 24-hour period in St. Louis. Here is the part that angers me...one of the murder victims was 14 year-old, Jaylon McKenzie. Jaylon was a promising athlete recently featured in Sports Illustrated. I'm a parent of two sons (15 and 17 years old respectively) and a huge sports fan. The loss of a child and never seeing the potential of an elite athlete is tragic. This is not why I'm angry. I'm angry because all of us (outside the state of Illinois or Missouri) would have never heard about the 16 shootings in St. Louis had it not been for high profile individual involved. Just another quiet weekend in a US city.
How many shootings happened in Chicago, Los Angeles, Louisville, Phoenix, Fresno or Tacoma last weekend? I don't know either. Do we really care about the violence that happens every weekend? Of course we don'd. There are several individuals, such as Larry Elder, willing to speak up about the impact of a father in the home because they are put in the cross-hairs of social media and called "Sell-outs", "Uncle Tom", "Oreos" or "Coconuts". Young men act out because of pride, respect and the belief of having nothing to lose. This is not a race issue...it is a human issue. Please let's review data and evidence to avoid and prevent additional violent weekends.
It's going to be in the mid-80's this Spring weekend in central California. But what the heck do I know...I'm only Joe.
I am a husband, father, son, brother, uncle, friend and Biology professor. We are on this Earth for a limited amount of time. Let's think, laugh and love.